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I was just diagnosed this year with Borderline Personality Disorder. Or BPD.

A lot of things make sense now, why my emotions are so unstable and on a daily basis. A diagnosis such as this does give you knowledge and power but it can be very overwhelming in fact for the past week I have had anxiety attacks every single day.

But I have also had crying fits, moments of rage, moments of pure sadness, and moments of joy.

Video games are helping me keep my focus on something. Right now I have a Super Nintendo. I am hoping to get a PS4 in December. Though I will always, always play my Super Nintendo. I want to start buying some more games for it too. Right now I have Mario World, Mario Kart, Donkey Kong 1, 2, and 3, NFL Madden 94′, Mario Paint, and I think that is it.

Yesterday after having an episode were I threw a pile of magazines across the room against the room (makes me sick inside that I did that), I play my Super Nintendo and was able to “come back”, as my parents call it, it is like I go somewhere else in my episodes, it is rather terrifying, I feel like I am possessed, and I am trapped in there right along side and I am fighting to be me, but something just is fighting harder than me,

Yesterday I ordered three books, I think they are going to be great reads. One is a memoir that sounds so interesting, another is a book for BPD people and their families, and another a workbook that looks like it will definitely keep me busy (what I need), here are their titles:

“Loud in the House of Myself: Memoir of a Strange Girl” by Stacy Pershall

“The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Tolearance” by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood  and Jeffrey Brantley

The book for families is the following–> “Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change” by Valerie Porr

I am so thankful to have a supportive friend and parents. My parents support me through all of this.

Feeling a little off today. My head just feels full of thoughts. Might try to play some games to focus my mind.

For all those with borderline…

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